He Turned Out to Be a N er Lover and We Will Never Be Able to Walk the Streets of Maycomb Again
See the men of Friction match.com: Actually, guys, are you serious?
past Lisa Barnard
I'1000 turning 30 in a few months, and I recently realized I'k now at the age I made a lot of promises about in the past. One of those promises was that if I was still single at xxx, I'd try online dating. I've had an onslaught of terrible dating experiences in the last year (including someone who turned out to be a drug dealer, someone who was mad I didn't desire to come hang out at his bedbug-infested flat, and a commitment-phobe friend who constantly appears to exist doing an uncanny Jekyll and Hyde impression). I am as well at the historic period where patently I better bustle up if I desire kids. And then, I signed up for Match.com. You lot know, to run across some normal guys. (Wow.)
In that location's no end to what I could write well-nigh my experiences on Match.com, and I've only been on the site for a calendar week. (My favorite is probably the guy whose opening line was, "Hey infant u r cute n sexy, come cuddle w me by my fireplace." Sounds bang-up, what'southward the accost?!) But at that place is one consequence in particular I'd like to accept up.
Did you lot know that 99% of the guys on Match.com are adventure travelers? It seems dubious to me too, but allow'due south continue as if it's truthful. The majority of guys on the site go on and on about all of the outdoor gamble activity they do, including mountain climbing, ziplining, white water rafting, bungee jumping, parasailing, sky diving, someone fifty-fifty talked about alligator wrestling. And of course they dearest traveling and frequent all these crazy places like Iceland and Belize and Egypt and Greece and the rainforests or whatsoever. They are outdoors all the time, playing every sport that was ever invented, including some you've never heard of (sled hockey?), and they work out v+ times a calendar week.
Come up on.
I alive in North Carolina, 3 hours abroad from the mountains and 3 hours away from the embankment. These guys say they are ambitious and take pretty expert jobs where they are making average salaries. How exactly are they ziplining regularly? And where? And how are they getting time off from work to travel all the time, at age 30? And with what money? I don't buy it.
Only that's not even what bothers me. The existent kicker here is the type of daughter they are all looking for. Now on my profile, I checked off the box saying that I desire someone who wants kids and who'due south single (… why I have to specify this troubles me). And I wrote out past hand that I am looking for an piece of cake-going, honest, passionate guy. Are those the type of characteristics these guys are looking for? Not fifty-fifty close.
She has to be beautiful and audacious and as well love adventure sports like ziplining and any the hell, and she too has to love to travel. She has to be open to trying anything (I'yard assuming this means sexual positions) and be outgoing and extroverted and like to go out but as well like to stay in. She has to be a nifty conversationalist, smart, witty, funny, and "not become embarrassed easily." (Why are we specifying this? Again, troubled.) She has to be into sports – playing sports and watching sports – and exist able to kick back with the guys. She also has to be ambitious, be smart and successful, be educated and accept a great job, be family-oriented, exist career-driven, want to have (and, unspoken, take care of) kids, knows how to take care of herself (I can but presume this ways that she'south thin and has highlights and gets manicures), be outdoorsy, similar to be outside all the time (these are obviously two different things), like to campsite and hike, be "active" and work out frequently, did I mention beautiful?, like all different kinds of foods and be willing to try – AND Like, GODDAMNIT – whatsoever kind of exotic food, not exist pessimistic or mutter, be loyal and honest, not be cocky-conscious near anything (… you lot're helping), know who she is and what she wants, and, my ultimate favorite, Accept ME FOR WHO I AM.
Wow you guys. This is a joke, correct? Practice y'all sincerely think you can find all of this in i person? Have you considered the fact that you are on Friction match.com because this is what you're holding out for?! Kickoff of all, these guys check off "slender" every bit the body type for their match… they rarely check off "athletic and toned." But you want someone who does these adventure sports and plays sports also and works out every day? Huh? And how are you lot going to notice someone who is career-driven and is family-oriented and is beautiful who also has time to play sports every bit an developed and like hike around all the time and wrestle alligators? What? I do know girls who do that kind of stuff, but believe me most of them practise not meet all these other criteria, including having the hot model appearance you desire.
But likewise, think hard – DO Yous REALLY WANT THIS? I don't think you want this blazon of daughter, if she even exists, because then she'd be as well intimidating and yous'd feel like she was overshadowing y'all and improve than you at the things you exercise, and lord knows that would exist a problem.
So I offering this plea to the guys of Lucifer.com. Refocus. Wait for a daughter who doesn't heed that y'all (manifestly) desire to become off ziplining, but who might desire to lay in the sunshine and read a book while you do. (To work on that tan yous need, evidently.) Or pick, say, two of the major things y'all're looking for. Like, she has to be adventurous and cute, simply it'due south okay if she'due south a waitress. You know? Be a little more realistic. I'k not saying permit go of your dreams. But get a grip. Everyone is not Angelina Jolie. (Not that you'd be into her, since she's athletic and toned and probably doesn't have fourth dimension for parachuting with all those babies in tow.)
It'south this bad, and I oasis't fifty-fifty been on a date nevertheless. Proficient lord. Clearly I'm going to be single forever.
_____
Also: Today in online dating: a sociopath explains why her feelings thing and yours don't
Read the rest of S&R's ongoing online dating serial.
Categories: American Culture, Funny, Personal Narrative
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Source: https://scholarsandrogues.com/2013/01/08/meet-the-men-of-match-com-really-guys-are-you-serious/
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